Words are powerful things. There are lots of great quotes about this…

The pen is mightier than the sword.”

“Loose lips sink ships”

“If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.”

Importantly, as powerful, dangerous and funny as words can be, they can also be a source of encouragement and warmth.

Thinking on this topic, I was reminded of a compliment I got at a job interview in 1995. Yes, 15 years ago.

It happened to be an interview for a part-time, low-level position with a pretty high-profile guy, but he told me “I like your style.” I can’t tell you how many times I have repeated this story, and how much I have looked back on that moment and reveled in it. I am sure he has no idea what an impression he made on me. (I didn’t even take the job.)

If such a small, ambiguous compliment can stick with me for so long, think about how I would feel if I’d had “You won’t fit in.” echoing in my head for 15 years.

Treating each other carefully is simply the humane thing to do. It starts with polite conversation.You have a choice. You can decide to make someone’s day with your words. You might even make their decade.

Thank you for reading.

Being a grown-up sucks. I am convinced it is especially hard right now.

I remember when I was guaranteed a raise of 5% each year, or it was pretty much expected that I’d be moving on to another company. So it’s fair to say we are living in tough times financially.

I remember when there were no scanners at the doors of government buildings. Or security passes needed to get into work. So it’s fair to say we are living in more fearful times.

As I watched the memorial for the victims in Tucson, I was reminded of the shootings that took place in the Washington DC area in 2002. The nonsense of it all was confusing. The closeness of it was frightening. The way that so many of us found that “it could have been me” brought our communities together. I felt that same close fear again as I heard that Representative Giffords was married the same year I was.

Episodes like this really put daily hardships into perspective, don’t they?

Just because we are living in a more challenging world, there’s no reason we can’t focus on living the best life we can, where we are, with what we have. We have to cling to the up side of the bad news. When it seems like we don’t have any good news, we have to be happy for other people. It isn’t easy, but we must pull through the cloudy days.

On the positive side, I am glad for Tuscon that their violence has ended, and that many of the victims will survive. There are so many people praying for them, sending hope and love their way, including me. It is energizing to hear of the heroism that was revealed in regular people that day, and to hear of the wonderful people that were lost that day. Although they will be missed, they were a gift to those who knew them.

This debate is driving me mad. I keep thinking of that famous quote:

First they came for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up.
— Martin Niemöller

This is America. We are allowed to worship however we want wherever we want. No matter what anyone else thinks of it. We’re even allowed to be atheists, Satanists if we like. There were Muslims, American and otherwise, that died at Ground Zero. Consider how the families of these people feel about this conversation.

We have American soldiers who happen to be practicing Islam while serving our country in Afghanistan and Iraq, not to mention numerous other stations around the world. Consider how these men and women feel about this conversation.

Al-Qaeda may have invoked Islam in their attacks on the World Trade Center and on the Pentagon, but Islam did not put a contract out on America.

President Bush did not declare a war on Islam. We declared war on terror. Let’s think clearly, and remember what our country was founded on — personal freedoms, freedom of thought.

From our Declaration of Independence, which declares it to be “self-evident” that “all men are created equal,” to our constitution, which wraps things up by saying “…no religious test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.” it is perfectly clear that practicing Islam anywhere in New York is not, in itself, illegal.

In my opinion, telling a religious organization where it can build is one of the least American things we can do. If this were a church of any denomination, would we be having this conversation?

I find the passion of music people contagious. People in the music biz are in it for the love of music. I also love music, (My personal passion is promotions/marketing, but that’s another story.), and the more time I spend near musicians and music people, the more I love them.

One big irony of the music business is that the more successful you are, the less certain your life can become. Someone with a garage band can plan on Saturday rehearsals with their friends, but if you are in a hugely successful band, your workplace changes each night, and you often sleep in a hotel and hang out in restaurants or backstage at nightclubs. Of course big rock stars make tons of money, which makes this kind of schedule worth it in a way.

But it’s not that easy to make money being a musician. Even selling CDs is getting harder. There are only a handful of artists that get to the top and stay there. More likely even successful artists have only one album that gets some notoriety, and going on tour costs a lot.

Still, musicians keep on rockin. There are songs to be sung, there is music to be made. Musicians do it because they love what they do. I’ve seen bands play in parks, and on stages only three inches above the crowd. Bands give out free CDs and play free shows just so people can hear their music. Musicians stand by each other and support each other. They know full well that there is only a chance in a million that they may get discovered or signed, and yet they keep keepin’ on. [Don't believe me? Watch the Anvil documentary, an excellent story of persistance, passion and rediscovery.]

Just recently, the rock family lost Malcolm MacLaren, who created and managed the Sex Pistols, and we lost Peter Steele, a musician I really enjoyed seeing. He sang for Type O Negative, a metal/goth band that had been around for a long time, and I had the pleasure of meeting him and the rest of the band in person a couple of times. The band often argued amongst themselves, but always came back together even through the very worst of personal tragedies. The music world is showing its support with a number of kind tributes coming out about both Malcolm’s and Peter’s talent and personality.

April 17 is Record Store Day, which was formed “as a celebration of the unique culture surrounding over 700 independently owned record stores in the USA, and hundreds of similar stores internationally.” I used to be co-owner of a record store, so it means a lot to me. I’ll be heading to a record store in Baltimore to shop for some of the special releases and enjoy some in-store performances. I encourage you to do the same.

And, on a side note, there will be an awesome retrospective in this week’s Sunday Washington Post Magazine by J.Freedom du Lac on the 9:30 Club, often called the best nightclub on the east coast, and one of my personal favorite places in the world.

I hope that you love what you do. Life is way too short to spend your day doing something you don’t enjoy, and we can’t judge our talents by money alone.

Rock on! \m/

In the days since Haiti’s earthquake, Americans have donated millions of dollars towards relief organizations. I’m always amazed by our generosity as a people. I’m also amazed by the new technology that emerged this time — the text-to-donate operations have been incredibly successful and easy to use. These would have been so helpful in past disasters! If you can spare a few dollars on your next phone bill:

• Text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 to The Red Cross
• Text YELE to 501501 to donate $5 to Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti Fund
• Text HAITI to 20222 to donate $10 to the Clinton Foundation’s Haiti Relief Fund

If you want to donate a more substantial amount, there are a number of organizations already in operation in Haiti. This is, in my mind, the most tragic part of the disaster there. Haiti has needed our help for years. This earthquake kicked them while they were down, in a way.

• The Media Consortium explains how to help: Haiti After the Quake + How to Help
• NPR put together a great list of recommended non-profits here: How to Help.
• Huffington Post’s recommendations are here: How You Can Help

I’ve heard a number of personal recommendations for Partners in Health, so that’s where my extra pennies are going, and there is also the newly-founded Clinton Bush Haiti Fund, led by former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.

Meanwhile, please hope, pray or and think positive thoughts about all those who are missing and out of touch with their loved ones.

I have always been good at standardized tests. I realize this is no small gift.

One part of standardized tests that I never minded, ever since grade school — almost enjoyed — is the beginning, which is almost always the same, with little variations.

Even now, filling out job applications and health forms, it’s always: Name, (last name or first name first), Address, City, State, (two letter abbreviation or spell it out?), Zip code, (plus the extra four digits or not), Etcetera.

Over the years the demographics section has gotten more complicated. I remember way back when it used to be just male or female, black or white, and married or single (well, they didn’t ask that in grade school).

But those who create our forms came to the realization that America is much more complicated than that.

It is clear to anyone who takes a walk around the block in my neighborhood that black or white doesn’t cover my neighbors. I’ve come to realize that even male or female isn’t an easy question for some people to answer.

The marriage question is a totally different debate. Of course, since this is America, we need a ‘Divorced’ box to check on most forms. But for some poor souls who happen to have married someone of their same gender, they need to check state law before they know which box they can check.

I find that tedious and intrusive. The government lets you decide which race box you want to check. And some forms have dozens of race boxes, no proof of heritage required.

This past weekend’s National Equality March in DC was about evening that playing field for lesbian, gay and transgender Americans. The civil rights fight isn’t over yet.

Of course the marriage issue is only a small part of it. Learn more at the National Equality March website.

…come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Such were the strains of the theme to The Love Boat, a show I think my parents hated to see me watching at age 10 , but I couldn’t get enough of romance even then.
Love is a central theme in so many stories around us, and has been since Shakespeare, The Bible, and Greek mythology before that. Why? Because love makes everything better!

As long as you love someone, pictures are prettier, food tastes better, and the roses smell sweeter.

April 4, there’s a project going on in social media land to share the love. Just post it once.

I love you.

Don’t you feel good? Share it!

Here’s the inspiration: http://www.obsessedwithconformity.com/